Adelie aka Pippy hanging out on her post

We live in a culture that loves to give gifts. Although I don’t doubt that this practice comes from a place of love, I would argue that most of our giving is influenced by advertising and societal pressure to give gifts for almost every occasion under the sun. The list is ridiculously long: Valentine’s Day, birthdays, weddings, anniversaries, bridal showers, baby showers, graduations, retirement parties, housewarmings, baptisms, confirmations, bar mitzvahs, bas mitzvahs, Mother’s Day, Father’s Day, Grandparent’s Day, Secretary’s Day, and of course the Granddaddy of them all- Christmas!

Christmas gift giving has always struck me as strange since you would think there would be a better way to celebrate the life of Jesus than buying your girlfriends another rose scented candle. Yes, very little is sacred anymore. We have managed to turn our spiritual and religious traditions into nothing more than a profit fest for the local shopping mall. And Christianity is not the only religion guilty of this.

Consumer spending accounts for two-thirds of the US economy. That’s a big number. No wonder we are made to feel like we have to keep spending. We have to keep the insanity going because God forbid we have a system that is sustainable and doesn’t waste the planet’s resources. No, we must all have excessive amounts of useless crapola in our houses so the stock market can continue to soar its way to oblivion.

Now I realize we do live in a world where a certain amount of conformity is to be expected and opting out of gift giving entirely can be hard. Can you imagine showing up at a wedding without a gift? And I confess that I would be greatly peeved if my husband did not remember my birthday with some sort of gesture like a bouquet of flowers or a mouth watering delicacy made with plenty of sugar.

I’m not against gift giving. I’m against the useless stuff we give each other that eventually gets stored away in someone’s closet or ends up in a bag for the local goodwill to pick up. Who says we can’t reinvent the gift giving game and play it a different way? And what better way to do so than give vanishing gifts.

What are vanishing gifts? Anything that vanishes. Yes, I know I’m being a bit of smart aleck but gifts that eventually vanish but leave us with wonderful memories  are the best of all. I still remember enjoying an incredibly fabulous bottle of French wine that a friend gave me a few years back.

Below are some other ideas for vanishing gifts that won’t clutter people’s minds or homes and more importantly are easy on Mother Nature!

• Charitable donations to a friend of family member’s favorite cause
• Local Wines
• Foreign or Domestic Wines
• Sparkling Waters
• Fruit Baskets
• Gourmet or organic foods
• Baked goods that you made yourself
• Organic Coffee
• Assortment of teas
• Fresh Flowers
• Plants
• E-books
• A subscription to Net Flix
• Body soaps, oils, and lotions
• Gift Certificates (maid services, pedicures, pet sitters, etc.)
• Experiences-plan a special outing with your loved one like a hike, picnic, visit to the beach, dinner, play, or movie
• Theatre or sporting event tickets
• Membership to a museum or other cultural institution
• A class such as a cooking class or art class
• Dancing lessons
• Membership to a yoga studio
• Massages, acupuncture
• iTunes Gift card
• Food treats for people’s pets

(If you’d like to read more about changing the way you think about wealth please consider reading my book REDEFINING THE MEANING OF WEALTH: DISCOVERING PROSPERITY AND FORTUNE IN THE UNEMPLOYMENT LINE.)

David on the hiking trail in Topanga Canyon

“For you wake one day, look around and say, somebody wonderful married me”.

~ Fred Ebb

David and I celebrated our wedding anniversary this past weekend. I am lucky enough to be married to one of the world’s best guys and each year with him just gets better and better. So when David asked me what I wanted to do for this year’s anniversary, he willingly agreed to my vision of celebrating our special day without breaking the bank. Finding creative ways to live a rich life without spending tons of money has become a sort of game for me. I don’t agree that money buys happiness and I’m always looking for ways to enjoy life that don’t depend on my financial situation.

Associating frugal with a wedding anniversary may sound sacrilege to some. After all we have been conditioned by the media to believe that such landmark occasions must include money and lots of it. Dictionary.com defines frugal: as economical in use or expenditure; prudently saving or sparing; not wasteful. As I work to become less wasteful in all areas of my life, the wedding anniversary celebration is no exception.

Last year we were in Costa Rica on our anniversary and celebrated at an amazing restaurant. (The Chilean Sea Bass was to die for and I still salivate when I think about it.) Fast forward to this year. I’m still unemployed so we decided it best to forfeit our previously hoped for trip abroad this summer. Instead I started to look into all the great things our local area has to offer. After all, we do live in a vacation destination and too often we take the sights around us for granted.

So what did we end up doing you might ask? We spent a day hiking in Topanga Canyon, CA. For those unfamiliar with Topanga Canyon, it is a mountain community in Western Los Angeles known for its bohemian culture. It’s the perfect place for hiking, biking, and horseback riding. It’s one of our favorite places. If it wasn’t for the long drive down the canyon to get to work we would love to live up there. Oh well! Maybe one day!

The drive up the canyon to Topanga State Park was beautiful. We could have parked on the back streets and walked to the trails but David insisted we pay the $10 parking fee because he wanted to support the parks. I agree it’s important to give back to our parks so I agree the $10 was well spent. We hiked down the Santa Ynez Trail which was supposed to take us to a waterfall. Going down was very pleasant and beautiful. Of course the waterfall was dry but the last time I hiked this trail it was dry as well. We got a good laugh out of that. Going back up was not so pleasant because you guessed it – it was all uphill! Even though we were hot and out of breath we had lots of laughs and David jokingly warned me I had better not pass out because he would not be carrying me back up the trail.

We finally collapsed in the car and turned the air conditioner on full blast. We had tentatively planned to eat at one of my favorite Mexican restaurants in Topanga, but we were a hot and sweaty mess. Topanga is one of the world’s most tolerant places but I didn’t want to push the envelope by patronizing a restaurant drenched in sweat. We went home instead and did something we rarely ever do. We had pizza delivered! The rest of the evening we viewed free shows from Hulu.com.

Earlier in the week David asked me what I wanted for a gift. I told him I wanted a jewelry box. He immediately said we would go out and shop for one. No, no, no I said! Not being much of a jewelry girl, I don’t have that much jewelry anyway. All I wanted was some kind of box to organize what I did have because I was tired of it all being a loose mess in my bathroom drawer. I told him there was no need to go out and spend money when I was sure he had some sort of box he wasn’t using that would be perfect for organizing my jewelry. He ended up finding a gray looking cash box that he once used to store his check receipts. Since he no longer needed it, he offered it to me.

Now I know most women might find this kind of gift downright insulting but it was perfect for me. First of all, he honored my request. Second, he “shopped” in his own home and found something perfectly good that was no longer getting any use. Third, we spent no unnecessary money, and fourth and most important, it was environmentally friendly. We didn’t contribute to more demand in the world for useless objects that use up the world’s precious resources. Most of us have so much junk anyway and if we get creative there’s often no need to always be buying something new.

I doubt any of the mainstream women’s magazines would glamorize our anniversary celebration but for me it was just perfect! We spent time with each other and laughed and played. After all, it’s all about the experience and enjoying each other. You don’t need money to enjoy each other’s company. You either do or you don’t. Thinking that spending money is the only way celebrate special occasions is the ultimate in status quo thinking. David and I have never been very status-quo so why should any of our celebrations be so?

Some of my old fashioned Christmas gift wrapping creations

As I mentioned in my last post, I have drastically cut back on the gift giving the last couple of holiday seasons. I still give small gifts like candy, wine, coffee, etc… And of course there is the white elephant gift exchange my family will be having on Christmas day. Now that my gift giving has been simplified, I have more time to focus on gift wrapping. I love gift wrapping. It’s so creative and fun. When I was a child, I wanted to be a professional gift wrapper when I grew up. Maybe if I had followed that aspiration, I would still be employed, huh??  My mother used to let me wrap all the Christmas presents each year. She would masquerade my gifts in boxes so I couldn’t see the contents. And, I never peeped! Really, I never did!

Gift wrapping can get expensive and of course those gift bags (which I always reuse) are a bit hard on the pocketbook as well. So for those of you who love the art of gift wrapping but don’t want to spend an arm and a leg, allow me to introduce to you the roll of brown wrapping paper. Yes, it’s that dull paper you use when you send gifts through the U.S. Mail. But it has oh so much potential for creativity and it brings an old fashioned flavor to the festivities. I love the presentation of brown paper wrapping so much that I now use it to wrap birthday, wedding, and shower gifts. I then personalize them with occasion appropriate ribbons and accessories.

Here are some tips on how beautifully wrap your Christmas gifts using brown paper:

• You can buy a roll of brown paper at your local discount or hardware store. Another option is to cut up brown paper grocery bags.
• Keep a small collection of bows, ribbons, and yarn odds n ends.  I recycle what is given to me on gifts I receive. If I happen to buy something that is tied up with a colorful piece of material, I add that to my collection as well.
• Wrap your gift in brown paper and then add a fancy bow or tie a ribbon around the package.
• Brown paper with just a pretty bow can be quite beautiful by itself, but sometimes I like to get more creative. Cutting out pictures from magazines or newspapers and pasting them on top of the gift is one option. Another option is some type of live or artificial greenery.
• You also might want to add a small accessory like a candy cane or snowflake cut-out to the gift.
• If you have a knack for drawing, use colored markers to add pictures or holiday greetings.
• Cut up old holiday cards or old holiday shopping gift bags and use them as gift tags.

Old fashioned brown paper gift wrapping is simple, frugal, and elegant. It stands out and the recipient is usually thrilled that you went to such effort to create a special package just for them.

Christmas in Birmingham

I love the Christmas season. It’s always been one of my favorite times of the year. The festivities and hoopla of the holidays make winter’s arrival a bit easier to bear. By the time the New Year has arrived, I’m ready for a break and I actually look forward to the colder and lower key days that lie ahead. Each year David and I visit family. This year my family is up on the rotation schedule, so by this time next week, we will be in Birmingham, AL. I hope it’s cold but not too cold! J  My parents always have the outside of the house decorated with white lights and of course a beautiful tree inside. The foyer table hosts a beautiful nativity scene to remind us of the true meaning of the season. There will be scrumptious calorie-laden food and plenty of good drinks. Yes, we will all probably gain a pound or two (or ten) but who cares because January is the perfect month to work off the excessive holiday pounds, right?

In addition to all the traditions we participate in each year such as Christmas dinner, church candlelight services and friends dropping by on Christmas day night, we started a new tradition two years ago. Instead of everyone exchanging gifts in the traditional way, we now play the white elephant gift exchange game.  We set a $5.00 limit and we all end up with something silly, useless, and tacky! But oh what fun we have. I love this new tradition for many reasons. The main one being I no longer have to spend the holiday season in the malls spending money I really don’t have on a gift that’s probably not wanted or needed. It also takes a lot of pressure off of me to find that perfect gift.

It seems like so many of us today have a surplus of material goods and one more bath and body set, no matter how well intentioned the giver, is probably not going to mean that much. David and I have never really exchanged Christmas gifts so the holiday shopping gets easier and easier each year. Even my friends and I have changed the way we give gifts to each other. A box of candy or bottle of wine is just as nice. Some friends and I skip the gift giving all together and use the money to go out to a nice restaurant. I now have more money in my budget to give to a favorite charity which to me is an important part of the holiday season-helping those in need.

As the Christmas season becomes less and less material for me each year, I’m realizing I love the holidays more than ever. I feel much less stressed and I enjoy those around me much more. I’m not completely against gift giving, but I do think Americans have gotten out of balance over the years with the incessant gift giving. Yes, I know this is the time of the year the corporations, government, and Wall Street urge us to go into massive debt so we can still be paying off gifts we can’t remember in April, but consumer debt only enslaves us and benefits very few in the long run.

Christmas is a time to celebrate the life of a man whose main message was love and peace. It’s a time to enjoy family and friends, eat yummy food, listen to good music, and hopefully get a little rest and relaxation. It’s not about spending money you don’t have or money you should be saving. All around, I get a sense that many people are downsizing this year. I’m sure a large part of it is the economy, but I also think some of us are becoming more conscious of the things that really matter in life. We’re beginning to get our financial houses in order and simplify our lives so we can enjoy the blessings we already have without always striving for more. I hope the downsizing of the holidays is a permanent trend. We may all have a few less gifts to open each year but we will be richer in so many more ways.